


Revenge Won't Bring Anyone Back

by Omoni



Series: Random Undertale Stories and Drabbles [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alphys/Undyne-centric, Coping with suicide, Defeated Undyne Ending, F/F, Grief, Living for others, Living for the dead, Living to live, Post-Undertale Neutral Route, Spoilers for all of the game, Suicide, pretty fucking depressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 10:39:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11735337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omoni/pseuds/Omoni
Summary: I've seen myriad fics detailing the loss of Undyne, but have never seen one about Alphys. So, here we are.This got long, so I had to break it up into chapters. Sorry.Please read all of the tags.





	1. Chapter 1

"No."

Undyne stared at the screen before here, shocked. The human had just killed Mettaton, and the feed, the moment it happened, cut out. The word came out as a small sound, a plea, because she knew exactly what would happen.

She got up quickly and started running.

* * *

The Lab was unlocked, and she ran in, stopping and gasping for breath, her hands on her knees. She hadn't stopped, not even for water, and was feeling it.

But what she felt in her heart was far worse, so she ignored it.

"Alphys?" she called, her voice wavering. The lights were on, but the feed was dead on the monitoring screen, and her stomach clenched in fear. She turned to run up the stairs, only to be stopped when her foot landed on a piece of paper. She grabbed it and read it quickly, her heart pounding so hard she felt it in her stomach.

She then pocketed it and ran to the washroom, finding not the usual washroom at all, but an elevator. Confused, but still desperate, she pressed a glowing button, and it started to move.

When it stopped, she was in the True Lab, and it was dark. She'd never seen anything like it before, and it gave her chills, quite the contrast to the heat she'd felt moments ago.

Then her eye fell on another sheet of paper, and she grabbed it.

From there, it was like a treasure hunt - one whose treasure she desperately wanted to save.

* * *

By the time she'd reached the last room, she knew everything - and didn't care. Granted, it was both terrifying and almost a relief to see what her friends had become, and it explained so much about Alphys's behaviour lately, but it wasn't Alphys.

She wanted Alphys.

But by the time she found her, it was too late.

She stumbled into the last room, where the power generator was, and stopped, her whole body filling her blood with ice.

There, on the floor, was another letter. With it was an empty bottle of sedatives. And with that was...

Undyne dropped, barely feeling it. Her eye went blind and her hands went to her head, hunching over as her fingernails dug into her scalp, but the pain was real, and therefore, so was what she saw.

Trembling, she crawled forward, tears running down her cheeks that she didn't feel. She knelt there for a moment, refusing to look at anything but the letter, before she shakily took it.

It was labelled with her name on it. Biting her lip, she opened it, feeling a whimper escape her but barely hearing it.

The paper was stained with tears, and near the end, the lettering became sloppy and barely legible, but she managed it.

 _"Undyne,_  
_Everything that's happened is my fault. Mettaton got killed because of me, and soon, so will Asgore - all because of me._  
_Everything I've done is everyone's ruin, now. Everything I've ever done._  
_I'm going, Undyne. I have to. This is the only way to atone for what I've done. Mettaton didn't deserve to die, and neither does Asgore. And yet I've killed them both._  
_Everything is getting strange, now. I'm having trouble seeing, writing. So I'll make this quick, before I die, so that you know._  
_I love you, Undyne. You were the only one who stayed at my side, who always made me laugh, who always made me feel like I could be a better person. With you, I felt so strong, so happy. I never told you, because I knew once you found everything out, you'd hate me. But I loved you, still. I will always love you._  
_I'm so tired, now, Undyne. I just want to sleep. Everything is a nightmare. You were my only good dream. You were the best dream. I love you. I love you so much._  
_This pen is so heavy._  
_This isn't your fault. I don't deserve to be saved._  
_This is what I've always deserved_  
_everything is so dim_  
_god i'll miss you_  
_i'm so sorry for everything i've ever done_  
_i cant be sorry enough_  
_i'm going to sleep, now. i'm so tired..._  
_i love you, undyne_  
_goodbye_  
_alphys"_

Undyne was sobbing by the end, and she held the letter to her chest, lowering her head and shutting her eye.

Before her, in an almost neat pile, was dust.

She knew, now. She knew with a horrible clarity that it was all that was left of Alphys.

She'd failed.

She'd failed her.

"Alphy," she keened out, pressing her forehead to the cold, hard ground. "Please, Alphy, come back... come back... please come back..."

But nothing changed. She kept pleading, but nothing changed. She wanted to wake up, now.

"undyne."

She barely heard it, she was sobbing so hard. She didn't move, as she recognised it and didn't care. She didn't move.

She felt a skeletal hand touch her shoulder, and she flinched. sans pulled away for a moment, then replaced his hand. This time, she didn't care. She didn't care, anymore.

"undyne, c'mon. we gotta go home, okay?"

 _"No!"_ Undyne shouted, her voice breaking. She kept her eye shut. "I'm not leaving her!"

"undyne," sans said gently, "she's already gone."

"No," she answered - pleaded, really. "No, no, _no! Please, no!"_

She raised her head and opened her eye, then reached out and grabbed the bottle, shaking it and upending it, hoping there were still some left...

sans grabbed it from her and threw it away. Then he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. She fought him, screaming out Alphys's name, her other hand still holding the letter to her chest. He didn't let go, instead moving to stand in front of her, and without a word, he hugged her, hard.

She tried to pull away, calling him horrible names in her fury and pain, but he didn't let go. Then she felt it: he was trembling. When he breathed in, it was shakily, and slightly choked.

And her heart finally shattered within her. She grabbed onto him, burying her face into his bony shoulder, and she screamed out Alphys's name, choking on it. sans held her tight, and soon, she could hear him weeping, too.

She'd had no idea. She wondered if Alphys even knew sans had cared about her.

But it was all too late, now.

That much was clear.

* * *

They brought Alphys's dust back with them, finding an empty beaker in one of the experiment rooms and using it, stopping it closed with a thick cork. sans had been the one to do it; Undyne was too broken, and all she could do was cower there and weep. But he'd managed it, and when he was done, he handed it to her.

She took it, sobbing anew, and opened it, gently folding the letter into a small enough square and placing it inside with the dust. Then she stoppered it, again, and clutched it to her chest, unable to move for quite some time after that. sans was patient and held one of her hands, but she barely felt it.

On the way back to Snowdin, sans murmured, "we can't tell my bro alphys is..." He couldn't finish.

Undyne felt numb, like she was sleepwalking, the beaker held tightly between her breasts, still. "Why?" she asked, her voice soft and emotionless.

"he wouldn't understand, really. i don't mean he's stupid, but that he just can't fathom anyone not wanting to live. for him, living is the best thing in the world." He paused, then added, "plus, i don't want to make him sad."

Undyne's eye filled with tears, and they fell unchecked down her cheek. "No, you're right. We have to lie to him."

sans hesitated, then said, "asgore was killed, undyne. the human is gone."

Undyne stopped, her eye widening. She knew it was possible, yes, and Alphys had certainly known the human would do it, but she hadn't really accepted it; the human she'd had tea with had been so kind, so thoughtful and honest...

"Dad..." she whispered, her eye shutting and her posture lowering to one of defeat. "Alphy..." she added, her voice wavering. "I have no one, anymore, sans."

"you have us," he answered sharply, turning to her and putting a hand on one of her arms. "you have papyrus and me."

She stared at him, her eye wide and full. His eyes were so dim, and filled with a pain she knew to be similar to hers. Certainly, he was feeling lost, too.

"I can't be Captain, anymore," she whispered. "I'm not Captain without Asgore. I can't do it, sans."

"okay," he agreed, rubbing her arm. "work with me if you want, or don't work at all, okay? just... just don't go anywhere."

"I want to," she blurted out, her eye staring off, now, and very blank. "I want to die. I want to die, sans, and I've never wanted to, before."

"if you live, though, you win. you outsmart the human and win."

Her eye narrowed, a flicker of anger sputtering within, and for a moment, she had the sudden desire to rise up, to don Asgore's crown and demand vengeance for her father and the woman she'd loved.

But then, it banked, and died. She felt cold and hollow, inside, and she knew that nothing mattered, now.

She said nothing. She just started walking again. When she heard sans follow her, she barely noticed.

She felt dead already.

* * *

 "UNDYNE!" Papyrus greeted her with a hug, one she felt from far away. "I'M GLAD YOU'RE SAFE! DID YOU HEAR?"

She nodded mutely, and he pulled away, looking at her, closely. She looked at him briefly, then looked away, biting her lip.

"UNDYNE, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" he asked her, his gloved hands on her shoulders gentle and kind. "I HAVE A PLAN! WE SHOULD GET THE REST OF THE ROYAL GUARD BACK, AND WE SHOULD STORM THE SURFACE! ONCE WE GET THE SOULS, I MEAN." He looked slightly disheartened. "I HEARD THE ONES WE HAD VANISHED, SO WE'D HAVE TO START OVER, BUT YOU ALONE COULD GO UP WITH ONE, FIND THAT HUMAN, AND KILL THEM."

Undyne suddenly stared at him, a hollow laugh escaping her. She shook her head and slipped from his grasp, instead walking over to the couch and curling up onto it, holding the beaker tightly.

"UNDYNE?" Papyrus said, sounding confused. "DON'T YOU WANT REVENGE?"

"No," she whispered. "Revenge won't bring anyone back."


	2. Chapter 2

Undyne never let go of that beaker, even when she slept. Papyrus asked about it, but she made up a story about it, how it was lucky sand from Waterfall with a wish printed on the paper, and so on. He believed her, and even found a bag small enough to hold it. She was so grateful she cried and held onto him for a long time, further confusing him, but she never explained.

She kept the bag on her at all times after that.

* * *

In the end, when he asked, sans told him that Alphys and Mettaton went on vacation together. He believed his brother, as sans wouldn't lie about something like that, and hoped Alphys would at least return, soon, as Undyne looked horribly despondent, and he knew Alphys would cheer her up. He'd been the second person to know that Undyne had feelings for Alphys (the first had been Asgore), and knew that a simple visit would be just the right solution for his best friend's sadness.

But she never came home, and neither did Mettaton. Months went by, and no one even heard a word.

"UNDYNE," Papyrus said one day. She looked up from the couch, her arms around the bag, and he knelt down in front of her. "YOU SHOULD CALL DOCTOR ALPHYS, TELL HER TO COME HOME."

Undyne stared at him for a moment, her eye slowly filling with tears.

"I have," she whispered. "But she never answers. I call and call, but she never answers, never hears me. I beg and plead, and all I get is silence." Her tears fell, and she turned away, hiding her face into one of the couch cushions. She said nothing else, even when Papyrus asked if she wanted him to call her.

Undyne hadn't been lying. She did call Alphys's phone, just to hear the voicemail: "Hi, it's Doctor Alphys. I'm away from my phone right now, so leave a message, and I'll get back to you." She listened to it every day, hanging up so that she wouldn't fill the inbox.

She also read over her old texts, saving screenshots of their conversations to read over and over. Their last one always hurt the most.

_"Hey, nerd! The human is such a wimp! I kinda like them!"_

_"Lol, really? That's amazing! I wonder if they'll be like that with me?"_

_"Of course, you're awesome and cute! They'd be stupid not to be friends with you!"_

Alphys had sent a blushing face emoticon as a reply, then messaged her a bit later.

_"Undyne, the human is... kind of being aggressive. What do I do? How did you manage it?"_

_"I fainted and they gave me water, lol"_

_"-_- I think I need a better solution. They seem really bent on killing Mettaton, and it's scaring me."_

_"They won't kill him. They haven't killed anyone."_

_"But what if they do?"_

_"Then run away and get to me, and I'll make sure you're safe, okay?"_

_"I don't want him to die. If he dies, it would be all my fault."_

_"He won't, Alphy. Chill out. Call me once the human reaches the Core, okay? Let me know what happens."_

_"Okay"_

Then, _"They're in the Core, and I can't get to Mettaton, Undyne! The door is locked! He locked me out! Undyne, he'll get hurt!"_

_"Get out of there, Alphy! Get back here!"_

_"I can't, I can't leave him!" Then, "What am I supposed to do?! I'm listening to that human kill him, and I can't do anything, Undyne!!"_

_"Alphy, come back, come to Snowdin, hurry, before they get you, too!"_

She remembered feeling so confused, so betrayed, when she watched the broadcast of the fight. The human didn't play around, and actually hit Mettaton with full intention of murder. Did they not see Mettaton as a monster? Did they not realise he still was one, robot or not?

 _"Nonononono god no this cant be happening,"_ Alphys texted next. _"this isnt real I need to wake up oh god"_

_"Alphy? What's happening?!"_

_"this is all my fault"_

That was the last text message she ever got from Alphys. She'd texted back, numerous times, only stopping once the show ended. It was then that she knew what would happen.

Alphys had truly cared about Mettaton, she knew. She'd put her heart and soul into making him, and Undyne now knew that he'd been a ghost, and, like her training dummy, had chosen a body to inhabit. But unlike her training dummy, he'd fused with that body, which meant without it, he was truly dead.

He'd been her friend, and having that body, the one she'd made for him out of love, had killed him.

And in the end, it killed Alphys, too.


	3. Chapter 3

The hotdog stand, Undyne knew, was an immense low for her, but a job was a job and she didn't care. sans not only let her live with him and Papyrus, but also paid her a little, never even asking for rent or even food money.

She worked there every day, for eight hours, and all she could think about was Alphys, or Asgore, or the human.

When she handed over a hotdog and took the gold offered, she thought of how much Alphys would have loved the hotcats. When she grilled the water sausages, she thought about how Asgore liked to tell her about gardening. When she cleaned up or refilled the condiments, she thought about how the human had stacked 30 of the hotdogs on their head at one time, just for fun.

By the time she went back home, she felt dead inside, and curled up on her couch-bed and stared at the TV, not even caring what was on, so long as it was noisy and stupid. Sometimes, she'd just close her eye and cry, her face pressed against the bag she now always wore, her tears staining the cloth of it.

Living, for her, was the hardest thing in the world, right now. Waking up, eating, working, walking, talking... it was a list of chores that she went through daily just to survive.

For her, the world was so empty, now.

She'd never felt more alone.

* * *

One night, she'd fallen asleep late into the night after a painful cry, and she dreamt of Alphys. The first dream she'd ever had of her since she'd died.

_They were sitting on the tiles of the Abyss together, holding hands and watching the water gush by and spill roaring into the cavern before them. Undyne had said something funny, and Alphys giggled, just the way Undyne remembered: a high, endless string of giggles, broken only by a small snort, before starting again._

_Undyne felt so happy in that moment. She grabbed Alphys and hugged her tight, bringing more giggles - and the hug returned - making her even happier. Impulsively, she kissed Alphys's nose, and Alphys blinked up at her, surprised._

_"Undyne!" she cried, blushing._

_Undyne grinned and did it again, and Alphys went even redder, looking bewildered. Then, Undyne did what she never had the courage to do, and kissed her lips. Alphys stared at her, her mouth open._

_Then she said, "Why didn't you do that sooner?"_

_Undyne blinked; that wasn't the reaction she'd expected. "What do you mean?"_

_"If I'd known you loved me, too, I wouldn't of killed myself."_

_Undyne stared at her, her whole body going cold. "What?" she whispered._

_Alphys nodded, slowly pulling out of her arms. "It's true. I died because I was sure no one loved me, or cared about me. I was so sure everyone would be happy I was dead. But you're not, because you love me. If I'd known, Undyne, I never would have died." She bit her lip. "I'm so sorry."_

_Undyne reached for her, speechless, but Alphys stood up, moving away. She smiled sadly at Undyne for a moment, then turned and suddenly walked towards the edge of the falls._

_"Wait, Alphy, what are you doing?!" Undyne cried, getting to her feet quickly._

_"Undyne," she answered, staring down at the waters. "Please, keep some for yourself, but can you spread the rest of my dust here? It's where we met, and I want to be here, forever living that happiness." She turned around and smiled at Undyne, who was suddenly frozen in place, unable to reach her. "Can you do that for me?"_

_"Alphy, get away from the edge!" she answered, her voice panicked. She truly couldn't move, as though her feet were attached to the ground._

_"Promise me, Undyne. I want most of my dust here, and a little bit with you. Please, do that for me? Please? Live, for both of us?" She waited, yes, but one foot was already hovering over the waters._

_Undyne strained to get to her, but it was still like her feet were glued in place. "Alphy! Get away from the edge! Come back!" Her voice broke. "Alphy, please come back! I can't do this, anymore! Not without you!_ Come back!!"

_"I can't, my love," Alphys replied, her voice very gentle. "But in a way, I'll never leave you, if you always remember me, and live for me - for us."_

_"I'll_ never _forget you!" Undyne sobbed, her hands reaching out and desperate to touch her. "Never! I_ can't! _I love you, Alphy! I love you so much!"_

_Alphys beamed at her, a hand going over her heart. "Oh, Undyne. Thank you. I love you, too. Please, use that love, and scatter my dust. Mourn me if you must, but keep living. Live for both of us. See for me, breathe for me. I'll always be there with you, so long as you never forget me."_

_"Never, Alphy," Undyne cried out, her hands trembling, still trying to touch Alphys. "I'll never forget you."_

_"Will you do it?"_

_"Yes," Undyne promise, her voice broken. "Yes, Alphy. I'll scatter your dust, but keep a little with me."_

_"Thank you," Alphys whispered, her eyes full of tears - and love. "Thank you, Undyne."_

_Then, she turned, and jumped into the Abyss._

_Undyne screamed her name, and suddenly she was free, free and running after her, hoping to grab her. But when she knelt and looked down into the falls, there was no sign of Alphys. She was already gone, swallowed up by the water._

_Undyne screamed again, and jumped in after her._

That was when she woke up, her eye snapping open with a small cry, her heart racing and her body bathed in cold sweat. Her hands reached up and closed around the bag, feeling the familiar shape of the beaker within it, and she closed her eye.

Then she cried, hard. In those first few moments, she'd remembered happiness. She'd forgotten what it felt like, and yearned for it again. But when she tried to remember it, all she could see was Alphys's sad smile, and her broken heart bled.


	4. Chapter 4

"I need your help."

sans blinked at her in surprise. They were at the hotdog stand, and it was his shift, now. He nodded, so she went on.

"I need to know where I can buy a small dust bottle, one I can wear as a necklace."

He stared at her, then nodded. "they sell them at funeral homes," he said gently. "you just gotta ask."

She nodded. "Okay. When you're done work, text me, okay?"

He agreed, and she took off, her destination now clear.

* * *

The necklace was simple, and the bottle was as small as her thumb, with a necklace that had a small pouch hanging from thick black cord. With help, she not only got it filled, but even had a small picture of Alphys to go with it, one that was glued on the bottle, with her birthdate and deathdate beneath her full name.

Undyne had stared at that picture, seeing Alphys's shy, blushing smile, and she cried, right there in the funeral home, gently placing the tiny bottle into its pouch and tying it around her neck. The pouch was waterproof, and she knew she'd never take it off again.

She went back to Snowdin with the rest of the dust and the letter. She took the letter out, shaking it out gently, reading it over again and crying again, that pain bleeding afresh at the sight. She carefully slid the letter into a plastic case, then slid it into the drawer of her nightstand (which used to be the side table before Papyrus got her the small chest of drawers that served in its place).

Then, she curled up and waited for sans's text, her hand curled around the small pouch tight. When she got it a few hours later, she sent him instructions, then got up and left, following them, now, herself.

* * *

He was waiting for her at the abyss when she got there, his hands in his pockets and his slippers soaked. She walked over to him, holding the beaker in her hands but without its bag. He looked at it, and something clicked in his eyes.

"Thanks for coming, sans," she murmured, her voice hoarse. She'd cried a lot, that day. "I think you know why we're here."

"yep. wanna start?"

"No," she answered, shaking her head. "Please, I need you to."

He nodded. "okay. well. alphys and me, we knew each other. i think i'm the only person who knew about her research before she died. she told me about it because she hoped i'd be able to help, but i obviously couldn't." He paused, his voice catching a bit. "we've known each other for years. her mom and... someone i knew... worked - and died - together in the lab."

Undyne was gaping at him by then. "I never knew," she admitted, sounding bewildered.

"she blamed herself for it, despite being a kid," sans admitted. "she... did that a lot. but... i still loved the damned geek, anyway." His voice broke, and he lowered his head, closing his mouth. It was clear that he was done.

Undyne swallowed, pulling the cork out of the beaker carefully and pocketing it. "Alphy," she murmured, and suddenly, she could think of no one else. She closed her eye. "Alphy, you were so beautiful," she whispered. "You were so passionate and smart, so caring and silly, and you always knew how to cheer me up. I wish... I wish I'd been able to do the same for you."

She sobbed. "I wish I'd saved you. I wish I'd told you I loved you. I wish..." She trembled, her tears physical, now, her whole body wracked with them. "I wish I'd saved you, been a better friend. I wish I'd been able to love you like you deserved. I'm so sorry I let you down, that I was a coward. I was so sure that I'd be the one to die..." She lowered her head. "But it was you, my love. You died, and with you, lots of me died, too."

She paused, catching her breath. "But I'll live for you, Alphy," she promised, with all of the remaining parts of her heart. "I'll live for you, and I'll live for _us_. I won't break that promise. I'll never, ever forget you." She paused again, unable to hold back a sob. "I hope once I'm done, I get to see you again as my reward."

She raised her head and opened her eye. Beside her, sans was crying, but softly and with his eyes closed. She knelt down and lowered the beaker, slowly tilting it upside-down. The dust within puffed out in a cloud, chunks of it dropping upon the waters and vanishing with them. Then, she let the beaker drop from her hand, and didn't even hear it shatter.

"Birth to dust, dust to birth; past pain for future mirth" she then said softly, the words traditional. She heard sans repeat them behind her.

For a long time, neither moved, both too shaken and weepy to have the strength for it.

Then, sans touched her shoulder and helped her to her feet, and, holding hands tight, they walked away and back towards Snowdin.


	5. Chapter 5

Undyne kept her promise.

She lived a long time, long enough to realise that no humans were coming back, and that the human was likely to blame for this lack. Of course; they'd want to protect themself as well as others like them.

Queen Toriel ruled quietly. Hers was a reign of peace, but also one of resignation. With the death of her estranged husband, as well as his Royal Scientist, she knew the barrier would never go down. So she focused, instead, on making things optimal for them here.

For the most part, she succeeded. She had been a little rusty at first, but once she got the feel of it, again, she began to rule in earnest.

Things changed; New Home was expanded into Hotland, and the Lab, once it was emptied of everything and everyone, was destroyed to make room for homes and towers.

Undyne had fought with Toriel over that, begged her, instead, to hire a new Royal Scientist, but Toriel was stubborn and denied her. Undyne went to the Lab and cleaned out everything she wanted to keep, which ended up being all of Alphys's manga and anime, her mug and computer, some of her old clothes (including a lab coat and a bathrobe for Undyne to sleep in alternately), and some old figurines and collections of stories she'd written. sans came by later and took even more, but refused to tell her what he took.

By then, she was living in Snowdin, but now in Papyrus and sans's shed. She'd converted it into a little apartment for herself, knowing that a couch in a living room was no way to live at all, and she filled it with things she rescued not only from her old place, but from the Lab. Truly, with time, it became her home, and she soon loved it.

She'd thought that decorating the place with Alphys's old things would hurt, but it actually had the opposite effect. She felt comforted, happy to have reminders of Alphys all around her.

She'd have internal conversations with Alphys, always, even with mundane things, and throughout her entire life. She never took a lover, nor did she marry. For her, even when the pain was bearable, there could be no one else for her. She never bothered to try, either: she knew she would hate it, and didn't want to waste the time.

She worked with sans for a while, but as she healed, she found herself restless. At night, she'd read some of Alphys's stories, even the unfinished ones, and found herself amazed by them. Alphys had been a good writer, and while she'd shared her stories and fanfiction online, she clearly had had so much more to share when she died.

She learned more about Alphys now than she ever had when she was alive, and it made Undyne weep. There'd been so much talent, there, and it pained her that Alphys never got to share it.

Then, she realised what she should be doing.

* * *

She quit the hotdog stand and stayed in the shed, glued to her computer as well as Alphys's laptop. In a week, she had a website up, and over the course of years, filled it anonymously with Alphys's work - even the unfinished stuff. She left it all unchanged, save spelling corrections and editor's notes, and soon, the website was a success. People loved the work, always asking for more, and she made sure to update daily.

But eventually, she ran out. She was shocked when it happened, dazed that it even had at all. It had taken her two decades to find, edit, and post everything Alphys had written - even personal journals and scientific papers - and now she had nothing left.

That day, she had a breakdown. She sat at the two computers in mute shock, then fell from her chair and burst into tears, one hand holding the pouch around her neck, the other clutching at her chest, over her heart. She sobbed so hard she felt faint, sobbed until she threw up from it, then got up and ran to Waterfall.

She stopped at the abyss and knelt down at the edge, getting soaked, but she screamed out, _"Why?!_ Why did you have to stop?! Why did you have to stop, Alphy?! Why?! _Why?!"_

Her voice caught, and she choked, coughing out her agony. She cowered there for what felt like hours, asking over and over why, until she felt a familiar hand touch her shoulder, and she looked up, her eye swollen and sore.

sans stood beside her, looking sad. She stared at him, then grabbed his shoulders and screamed at him, "Why, sans?! Why did she leave me?! Why did she leave me?!" he hugged her tight, and she broke, sobbing into his shoulder.

When she'd run out of tears, she begged him, "Please, sans, push me over. Please. _Please!"_

"no," he answered, his voice firm.

 _"Please!"_ she repeated desperately, shaking him a little. "I can't live without her, anymore! I want to die!"

"undyne."

"Push me, sans!" she shouted, shaking him again _. "Kill me!"_

"no!" he snapped, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her in return, shocking her. "listen to yourself, then picture saying that to alphys! you damn well know that's not what she wanted!"

"I'm too weak," she sobbed out. "I'm too weak, sans!"

"you're not!" he answered, his voice loud. His eyes searched her own, their pinpoints dim. "you've lived without her for over twenty years! you need to keep living, undyne! for her and for you!"

She stared at him. He was right. She'd promised Alphys she would live for them both, had done so, twice, and she was about to break it.

If she'd lived, Undyne knew, Alphys would have been crushed without her. She would have been agonised to discover that Undyne killed herself. And she probably would have followed her. But she'd never wanted that for Undyne, she somehow knew. She'd always seen herself as expendable, as a background character, and not important enough to mourn.

Undyne needed to live, so that Alphys would never be forgotten.

Undyne lowered her head, gritting her teeth and shutting her eyes tight. Then, slowly, she nodded, one hand going back to her necklace.

sans helped her to her feet and walked her home.


	6. Chapter 6

For a few days, Undyne stayed in bed, a dark cloud falling over her when she thought about the website. She cried a lot, ate very little, and watched a lot of brainless TV.

One day, however, she got up and went to the computer, curious to see if anyone noticed it hadn't been updated. She went to the forums - and stared.

She'd set the forums up at the last minute, hoping they would fill with discussions about Alphys's work. She'd started at least ten threads herself, but got very little comments back, so she'd given up on it.

Now, however, those forums were thick with threads. There were discussions, additions, even fanfics of Alphys's fanfics, as well as regret and sadness that those stories were forever unfinished.

There were also several threads solely about Alphys. These were filled with personal anecdotes, confessions, speculation, and criticism.

Undyne spent several days going through those threads, crying a great deal as she read how Alphys had touched many people without ever knowing. There were a couple of mean threads, ones that made fun of her and berated her for her experiments, and those hurt a great deal. She never looked at them again, instead focusing on the others.

People had loved Alphys. They'd just never known that it was Alphys that they'd loved. Because Undyne had posted everything she'd written with full credit to Alphys, they now knew - even the things she'd originally posted anonymously - that a great deal of what they'd loved had been from Alphys's pen and clawtips.

There was also a thread about Undyne. She found it with some amusement, as she'd never revealed herself as the site's administrator, so it was funny to see herself spoken of so earnestly.

A lot of people had assumed that she and Alphys had been at least lovers, if not dating, and had kept it all secret to save their jobs (or, one suggested, to spare Undyne embarrassment, which made her very angry).

One said, however, that Undyne was greatly missed in both Waterfall and New Home, but that they understood why, and hoped Undyne would feel better, someday.

She cried again, turning away from the computer and going back to bed for a while.

 _It's true, Alphy,_ she thought _. I miss you so much. Being Captain was amazing, but the best part was that it brought us together._

_I miss it, but I miss you so much more._

_What am I supposed to do, now, Alphy? I've published everything. Everyone now knows you so much better._

_But what do I do?_

She didn't know. It tormented her, because she wanted to do something not just for Alphys, but for herself, too.

And then, suddenly, she knew exactly what she wanted to do.

An hour later, having showered, dressed, and eaten, she was back at the computer and opening a word document - and she was typing like crazy. She typed well into the night, only remembering to sleep when she suddenly woke up on her keyboard, but when she woke up, she went back to it right away.

She refused to stop until she was done.

* * *

It took her another five years, but she managed it. She was amazed at how time went by when she realised she was finished.

 _I did it, Alphy_ , she thought, leaning back in her chair with a smile, her hand around her necklace. _I finally finished it. I finally think I've done something right. Or 'write', like Asgore would say._

She laughed, softly, but also cried. It was something, yes.

But it would never be Alphys. And she would always have that pain.


	7. Chapter 7

The first publisher Undyne went to wanted it right away and with tears in their eyes. It had taken them only a week to read it, they said, because they couldn't put it down.

Undyne couldn't believe it, but she accepted. She wanted this book out and for everyone to read. She wanted everyone to read it and understand what they'd had - and what they'd lost.

* * *

In another month, it was out and published, but she stayed hidden. She was too scared of what people would say negatively about it. She knew there were parts of Alphys's life that weren't pretty and caused deep anger, and she'd had enough pain writing it out; she didn't want more.

But she didn't expect the support.

The forums on Alphys's website exploded with discussion of the book, suddenly making the connection between it, the site, and Undyne. She got emails, letters, and even a few phonecalls.

At first, she ignored them, positive they'd be negative. But eventually, Papyrus noticed her mailbox getting full, and he came in with the ignored letters, frowning.

"UNDYNE," he said as his greeting. "YOU HAVE TOO MANY LETTERS." And he held them up as proof

She looked up from her bed, nodding. "Yeah," she agreed softly. "Probably all mad at me, for writing about Alphy."

By now, Papyrus knew the truth. It had taken years, but he did catch on, and he had been furious with her and sans for lying. He then cried, the shock of it too much, and both his brother and his best friend vowed never to lie to him again.

"SHALL I READ A FEW AND SEE?" he offered. Before she could even reply, he was opening one and reading it, but in silence. Undyne watched him, suddenly curious and nervous. When he finished, he folded it up and handed it to her. She took it, and he sat down at her desk and continued.

She read the first letter - and covered her mouth, shocked. It was from someone in Hotland, someone she didn't know, but whom had known Alphys as a neighbour. They'd had no idea how much she was going through while she'd been alive, and regretted not helping. They were so glad to know Alphys better, now, and they mourned her end. The letter ended with well-wishes to Undyne and more gratitude.

"MANY ARE LIKE THAT," Papyrus concluded, once he saw she'd finished reading.

"Oh, god," she whispered, her eye full. "I can't, Papyrus. I don't think I can, yet..."

He looked up and placed the letters on her desk, then went to her side, hugging her tight. "THAT'S ALRIGHT," he replied, as she curled up in his arms and wept. "WHEN YOU'RE READY."

She nodded, though she truly felt that she'd never, ever be ready.

* * *

The book she'd written was a biography, one Undyne had pieced together and worked on using every scrap of knowledge she had and could find about Alphys. She'd written it in pieces, then threaded them all together, and filled it with personal touches, personal stories and anecdotes, and the like.

She'd tried to keep it as light-hearted as possible, but Alphys's life hadn't been light-hearted. She'd gone through a lot starting from a young age, had been used and abused constantly, and it wasn't pretty - especially since every reader usually knew how it ended.

Undyne had dedicated the book to Alphys and Asgore, and had written a small note to be read first.

_"Dear reader,_   
_What you hold is a true labour of love. I spent decades on this book, because the subject is the only one I've ever loved, and ever will._   
_Alphys died alone, on a cold, dirty floor, hating herself and certain that everyone else hated her, too. She died never knowing how much I loved her, how much I've always loved her, and I will forever regret that, to my last breath._   
_Maybe, when you're done reading, you'll understand why I loved her so much._   
_Aishiteru, aisuru Alphy. Itsumo, eien ni._   
_Undyne"_


	8. Chapter 8

The day that Undyne was told that the book required a second printing to meet demands, Undyne went out.

In the decades she'd spent mourning and working, she'd allowed herself to soften, to thicken, and become out of shape. She'd spent those years hidden in the shed, very rarely leaving it, eating only junk food and take-out.

That day, she knew, she'd only have the mental as well as physical strength for one place, and she decided it would be Grillby's. She hadn't set foot in there since Alphys died, though she'd ordered take-out constantly. She didn't tell sans or Papyrus, so when she walked in, she was left alone to absorb what she walked into.

The moment they recognised her, everyone went quiet, even as she shut the door behind her and made her way to the bar. She blushed, embarrassed by the silence and the stares, and she sat down and lowered her head, wishing she'd wore a hoodie.

She looked up at Grillby, who hadn't changed a bit. He returned the look with a raised eyebrow, and she smiled faintly. "Hi," she said softly. He nodded, his eyebrow lowering.

At that, everyone seemed to relax, and the noise of several conversations resumed. It should have overwhelmed her, but instead, she felt oddly comforted by it, and she felt something in her relax.

Grillby suddenly pushed a note to her, one she hadn't even seen him write, and she read it _. "I read your book. It was beautiful. Everything is on the house today for you."_

She looked up. "Grillby, you don't have to--,"

He glared at her, lowering the mug in his hand for a moment, and she smiled again, this time a little more.

"Okay," she agreed softly. "I'd like a burger and a Blue Pond, please."

He nodded and went to the back.

Undyne was surprised that she'd ordered that drink. She hadn't had alcohol in years, but suddenly was in the mood for it. It wasn't about drowning in it in her sorrow, but celebrating a victory she never thought she'd see.

When he came back, she noticed his eyes were smiling, and she smiled back, taking her order. When she took a bite, she felt something relax in her, and she sighed, closing her eye for a moment. It was one thing to order it delivered, but another altogether to eat it within an atmosphere made for it.

It felt... good.

"C-Captain?!"

She jumped, feeling a sinking in her belly when she heard the title, but she looked up, despite looking and feeling the very definition of anxious.

But when her eye focused, she felt something in her relax. Standing beside her were RG 01 and 02 - or, as they weren't wearing armour, Tim and George. She stared at them, blood rushing to her cheeks; to them, who'd known her in her youth and fitness, seeing her like this must be upsetting.

And yet, she suddenly found herself pulled to her feet and hugged by both of them, so tight she lost her breath for a moment. Then, she hugged back, as hard as she could; she'd missed their hugs, very much.

Then, to her surprise, George started to weep. She at first figured that maybe he was drunk, but she didn't smell it, nor was there any tell-tale smoke.

"George?" she murmured, patting his back.

The two pulled away, but Timothy kept his arm around George, who leaned in close. "We're, like..." Timothy started, but then his eyes filled, too. "We're so happy to see you!"

Undyne bit her lip, then waved to them to sit with her. They did, flanking her, and she murmured, "I missed you, too."

"And, like, we miss the Doc, too," Timothy added, using a napkin to dab at his eyes. "She'd sometimes come out to see us, make sure we had enough water."

Undyne blinked at him in surprise. "She... she did?"

George nodded, sniffling. She took his hand and squeezed it, her heart's pieces aching. She hadn't known. She'd set the two up there because she'd trusted them the most to protect Alphys, but she'd never known that Alphys had interracted with them, or even known they were there.

"God," she whispered. "I... I didn't know. She never told me."

"We read your book," George suddenly said softly.

Timothy nodded. "Yeah, we read it together. Alphys was, like, amazing, huh?"

Undyne blinked hard, looking down at her burger in hope that she wouldn't cry. "Yeah," she agreed, before she grabbed the burger and took a huge bite out of it.

"Once," Timothy went on. "She came out to check on us, and she'd brought this giant box thingie, full of other boxes that had food in it. Said she wanted us to try it."

Undyne smiled faintly. "Bento," she supplied. Alphys had done the same for her one time, and it had been one of the best things she'd ever had.

"Yeah!" Timothy lit up, nodding. "She said she wanted us to try it, so that she could make it special, later."

Undyne froze, staring at him, now. Her stomach clenched, and she bit her lip. She remembered, too, how excited Alphys had been about bento, and had made one for Undyne.

"I-I worked on this for days!" she'd admitted, her face bright red. "J-just to make sure it was right!"

"Alphy," she murmured, smiling again, faintly and looking back down. She'd done it - that prep work - for her.

 _Alphy, you'd loved me for a long time, hadn't you?_ she thought. _I was just too stupid to see it, too selfish..._

"It's good to see you, both, honestly," she said, her voice wavering. Carefully, she took a sip of her drink. It was familiar, and it brought her back to the time before, to when she was still young and reckless and full of hope. It was almost soothing, really.

"We got married, did you hear?"

Undyne choked, the liquid burning her throat for a moment. "You did what?!" she demanded, her face breaking into a huge smile, her gaze darting between the two of them.

"You didn't know?" George replied. "I thought that's why you always had us work together."

Undyne blushed. "No! It's because you were the best ones to protect Alphy! What the hell, you two?!" she laughed, the sound almost rusty in her throat, but it was real. She threw an arm around each of them and hugged them tight. "You sneaks!"

It was almost strange, feeling happiness, again, but she did. She felt happy knowing that love wasn't lost, wasn't dead, and that the world would keep going, even after she was dust.

For a while more, they caught up. Undyne had little to convey, as the two pretty much already knew what she'd been doing. They, however, were not only married, but also had kids - two - and one was about to graduate high school.

Again, she was happy, but there was a deep bitterness, there, too. In another reality, maybe she and Alphys got married and had kids, too. Maybe their kids even would have all gone to school together.

_Or would you tutor them, Alphy? Would you rather we taught them, instead of their being taught the same things we were?_

Undyne would never know. And it hurt.

But she also knew that she had to keep living - and that coming here, to Grillby's, and catching up with her dear old friends, was probably the first - and hardest - step.

* * *

The moment he found out, Papyrus demanded the privilege - his phrasing - of retraining Undyne into fit shape, again.

She snorted when he offered. "Why?" she wondered. She wasn't a Guard, anymore, and was getting enough money from the book, surprisingly enough. Getting fit wasn't really on her list.

Then, she looked at him closely, and saw another reason to do it: for him. For Papyrus.

"Yeah," she then added, quickly, before he could give her reasons she now didn't need. "Okay. But..." She grimaced. "I'm kinda not the same as I was, Papyrus. It's... gonna be work."

"AN UNDERTAKING I LOOK FORWARD TO," he replied cheerfully, delighted that she'd said yes.

"Okay," she agreed.

She never regretted it, not even when her body was aching and she wanted to punch something because of it, not even when Papyrus sometimes outpaced her - something that never used to happen before. She never made it back to her old self, but she got as close as she could, and felt better for it.

And in turn, she grew close to Papyrus, again. She realised, in her cocoon of grief, she'd very rarely let him in, and when she did, it was usually to weep. Now, she could hang out again with him and not cry as much. She could work out with him and actually laugh, joke around and have fun, even.

And all because she'd decided to go out for lunch one day.

 _Did you know this would happen, Alphy?_ she thought, once, on her way back home after spending most of the night watching movies with Papyrus and sans. _Did you know, someday, I'd be able to get back up, again? Just a little?_

_I didn't. I never thought I could. Not without you._

_But I'm not without you, am I? You're here, with me, in my heart and soul. You always have been, haven't you?_

_I finally understand what you meant, when you said to live for us, both._

_I'm living, Alphy. I'm living the best I can without you._

_But..._

_I wish I didn't have to._


	9. Chapter 9

Years passed. Undyne kept going.

She and Papyrus kept up a daily schedule, jogging in the mornings and evenings. They took their old routes, the ones they both made together while she'd been on Guard patrol, and it was nice.

sans was also great to have around, too, she found - especially when she was in a dark mood and needed company, but didn't want to say much or do much. sans would sit on the floor beside her bed, watch TV with her, or surf the internet while she rested. They would talk often about Alphys in these moments, and talking about her always comforted Undyne, because it was a way to refresh her memory.

Alphys was never far from her mind, in anything she did. When she met George and Tim's kids, she thought of Alphys, and again what would it of been like had they had children, too. When she went out for a meal, or simply to catch up with her neighbours, she thought of what Alphys might add to those conversations.

For the rest of her life, Undyne never again went to Hotland - or New Hotland, as it was called, now. It was too painful, not only to make the walk, but to realise that not even the Lab remained, and there was no reason for her to go there, anymore. She tried, only once, and when she saw that the welcome sign had been removed, she turned around and went back, in tears. She never went back.

She spent most of her time in Snowdin, now. It was nice, there, and being surrounded by such kind people - people she knew even better than before, now - was comforting. They, too, would sometimes talk to her about Alphys, and while it used to hurt too much before, she welcomed more and more it the older she got. Now, those stories always made her smile.

But more and more, she felt herself getting tired. It was so easy to wear her out, and she was feeling every moment she spent too long on her feet or out on a walk.

She was growing old. Something she'd never thought she'd ever see.

But she was still living. And she was even enjoying herself at times. She was so grateful, especially for Papyrus and sans, as they were the ones who'd stayed at her side the most.

However, not even Undyne could live forever.

* * *

She knew something was wrong that day when she woke up and felt as if she'd woken up in a sauna. She was sore, sweating, and trembling, and her breaths were short. It was a struggle to wake up enough to grab her phone and text sans.

When he came by, she was lying down again, her eye shut tight. He walked in and grabbed one of her hands, and she held it tight.

"I think... I need a doctor..." she admitted, finding even saying that was almost exhausting.

"i'll call, undyne. just rest."

She nodded. As he called, she drifted in and out, as if something was barely keeping her tethered and she was being dragged away. She reached up with her other hand and closed it around her necklace as tight as she could.

She was scared. She hadn't felt scared in a long time. She knew that she could still do more, so much more, and she wasn't ready to go, yet.

Except...

 _Except I've done everything I can,_ she thought to Alphys _. I've told the world about you, Alphy, and made sure they would never forget you. I kept living. For us. But... but..._

_...I'm so... tired, Alphy..._

The doctor came and checked on her, something she was barely awake for. She tried to listen to what they were saying, but couldn't focus on the words or if they made sense.

"She's failing," the doctor murmured to sans, whose face fell. "It's her time, I think. She's very close to falling down."

"isn't there anything you can do? anything i can do? anything at all?!" His voice broke a little, but the doctor merely shook their head, looking regretful.

"It looks like she'll fall by tonight, and be gone by the morning," the doctor answered, their own voice wavering a little.

"so fast?" sans murmured, his eyes dim.

"I know," they agreed, placing a hand on his shoulder. "But she's had a long life, one that started out hard on her body. Anyone else probably wouldn't of lived this long."

sans nodded, closing his eyes briefly.

"I can give her medicine to sleep," the doctor said gently. "So that she won't be so uncomfortable, and she'll sleep to the end."

"yeah," he agreed. "but give it to me to give to her; i know she'll want to say goodbye, first."

"Yes, of course."

As they discussed this more, Undyne's mind was still on Alphys, still talking to her. She knew what was happening, as she recognised it from when Shyren's sister fell down, and knew she was going to, as well.

 _Oh, god,_ she thought, _what's going to happen? What's going to happen?!_

"undyne?"

It took a moment, but Undyne focused and struggled to come back, and she nodded slowly, her eye still closed.

"it's sans. listen, i'm gonna go get my bro, alright? the doctor just left, and i got something for you to sleep, for after. that okay?"

Undyne felt her eye burn with tears. She nodded again. "Pl-please," she added, her voice hoarse.

When he left, Undyne cried, both hands holding her necklace to her chest, her arms heavy.

 _I'm dying, Alphy,_ she finally concluded. _I'm dying. I can't believe this is happening... I just... thought... but..._

Her thoughts were cut off when she felt herself embraced, firmly but still gently. She leaned close, sighing deeply, and she said, "Papyrus."

He held her tighter, one gloved hand going to her mostly-white hair, stroking it slowly and gently. "UNDYNE," he murmured. "HELLO."

"Hi," she replied, smiling faintly. She felt sans touch her shoulder, and in that moment, she felt the fear suddenly leave her, just like that. "L-looks like... I'm done..." she added.

"YOU CAN'T PUNCH THIS AWAY?" he joked, though his voice wavered.

"N-not this time," she agreed. "But it-it's okay. I've done... what I could."

"UNDYNE," Papyrus murmured, holding her closer. "I LOVE YOU. YOU'RE MY BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO WITHOUT... YOU..."

"I love you, too," she whispered, meaning it with all of her being. "You've been... amazing. So patient... so kind..."

"you're worth it, captain," sans broke in softly.

"YOU HAVE DONE SO GOOD," Papyrus went on, his voice choked. "YOU'VE SURELY MADE ALPHYS AND ASGORE PROUD."

"no doubt on that one," sans agreed.

Undyne smiled faintly, the idea of that a great comfort. She felt weird, like she needed to sleep, but with an edge of pain to it, as though that sleep promised to get rid of it for her.

"Guys," she whispered, "I'm so tired..."

"do..." sans hesitated. "do you want to sleep, undyne? is... it time?"

She thought about it. There were people she still wished she could see, people she had so much to say to, still.

But her time was running out, and she knew it. She could feel it.

And now, she wasn't afraid.

"Yeah," she said slowly, her voice small, now. "I think so."

There was a pause, one that Papyrus spent holding her tight, his hand still in her hair. It broke when sans told him to lie her back down slowly, but to keep her head elevated. He did so, and Undyne realised she barely felt him, anymore. She barely felt her own hands.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't save them. I'm sorry I never broke the barrier."

"none of that was your fault," sans replied, meaning it.

Undyne nodded. She tried to open her eye, but it wouldn't obey her. She tried to move her hand to touch him, but it was way too heavy.

"I love you both," she said. "So much. I hope... I hope I... made you a little... happy... like you made me."

"ALWAYS," Papyrus agreed.

Undyne smiled again faintly. Then, she said, "Okay. I'm ready."

sans moved close and placed a cup to her lips, tilting it back. She drank it, barely tasting it, though when she finished, her whole body shuddered. When he lay her back down, she was already feeling it, and suddenly things not only went numb, but in an almost pleasant way. She didn't fight it. She knew it wouldn't work, or help.

"Th-thank you..." she murmured. "For everything..."

She heard Papyrus say something, but she didn't understand it. Her mind was darkening, being dragged under, and she let it, feeling that tiredness ease away with every passing moment.

Then... she heard a voice she understood, perfectly.

"Undyne!"

She focused on it, and suddenly she could see - and see so clearly, everything so bright and wonderful. She didn't feel tired anymore. She felt almost... young, and healthy, and as if she were about to run around.

Her eye fell on a figure before her, and she cried out, running to it with all of her new-found strength. She felt herself caught, and she clung close, sobbing.

 _"Alphy!"_ she cried, holding tight. Because it was Alphys, just as she'd remembered her: happy, shyly blushing, and always glad to see her.

"Undyne," Alphys replied, holding her close and stroking her hair. "You made it."

Undyne looked up at her. "I made what?"

Alphys smiled at her, that smile filing her whole soul with delight. "You lived."

"You waited for me?" Undyne wondered, her hands now holding Alphys's face gently, her thumbs trailing over her blushing cheeks.

"I never left you," Alphys replied happily.

Undyne sobbed and kissed her, and found herself kissed in return, the feeling like nothing she'd ever experienced, ever.

When Alphys pulled away, Undyne was still crying, but happily, a grin on her face. "So what happens now?" she wondered.

Alphys shrugged. "I don't know, but I'd love to find out with you."

Undyne grinned wider, nodding. "Yeah!" she agreed. "Let's go together! I..." Her smile flickered. "I never want to be apart from you, again, Alphy."

"Then never let go," Alphys replied with a smile, taking her hand into her own. Undyne nodded, squeezing her hand tight.

Together, they turned from the darkness, and went towards the colours.

Together, at last.

Forever.

**\--The End--**


End file.
